I Was Fired Today. It Was a Triumph.

Did the title of this article catch your interest? Good. Does it make you curious to know my story? Even better. Those two sentences captured in this title are not just the stuff of article headings. They capture a concept I have coined called the “curiosity filter.” Its best home resides in the meeting setting.

You know the scenario. You sit around a table (or in a Zoom gallery) and the attendees take turns commenting on the topic at hand. But when was the last time someone said anything attention getting to start their remark? If you can’t recall, it probably hasn’t happened in a very long time. Just last week, I attended 16 online meetings. Over the span of my career, I have attended thousands. It is so rare that someone has started a remark with something quotable that I struggle to recall any stand outs. 

The Case for the Curiosity Filter

“But, Karen,” you say, “Who cares?” You should. Why? Because your credibility cares. I am a persuasion scientist, and I have been studying speaker credibility – especially ours as women – for over thirty years. Fascinating (and sobering) research finds that people begin to set their views of our credibility in a mere 10 to 30 seconds.   And for many people judging your credibility, their initial views endure.

Of course, we care about being credible when speaking up. But despite that desire, have you ever burned your first 10 to 30 seconds with something like, “Can I say something?” or “I might be wrong but . . .” My advice? Stop! You just burned time and your initial (maybe enduring) credibility.

Power Up Your Credibility!

Here’s the great news. You will take charge of your credibility if you incorporate the curiosity filter – and that fix is a simple four steps. 

First, plan a sentence or two that will feel cryptic to your meeting colleagues. Let’s assume you want to only partially agree with what the person before you just said. You could ineffectively say, “I don’t agree with that.” Or you could effectively say more uniquely, “That statement – 80 percent true and 20 percent false.”  (To make it easy, I keep several cryptic first lines on rotation so I can grab one quickly.)

Second, pause for a few seconds. Let your listeners absorb your first sentence – and become curious to hear your next sentence. And remember – a pause to you as the speaker always feels longer than it does to your listener. Trust that the pause is not too pregnant and let it happen. In addition, ensure you maintain strong eye contact with your team while you pause. This small addition ensures that you appear confident and that your brief silence is intentional.

Third, go on to your next sentence – typically your “conclusion up front” sentence, and the one your colleagues are curious to hear. Your next sentence might be something like, “While it is true that we budgeted for most of these outliers, no one could have anticipated the last two.”

Fourth, use the simple “What/Why/Where” structure to organize the rest of your impromptu remark. (Stay tuned for more on this impromptu approach in my next article.)
Let’s run through another example applying these curiosity filter steps:

• (First) “I plan to be wrong about this next statement within the month.”
• (Second) Pause and maintain steady eye contact.
• (Third) “We are underperforming on our marketing objectives. But that is about to change.”
• (Fourth) Continue with your substantive, impromptu remark.

Without question, your statement will grab attention and your credibility as a clever speaker will increase. It can take some forethought to grab that first sentence, but you often have that thinking time while the prior speaker is making his point.    

Why Did I See My Termination as a Triumph?

So, here we are. I end where I began. I was indeed very recently fired – by my oncologist. It was a celebration because I am now in my eleventh year of being cancer free. As a result, my doctor felt I could be released from her regular care. And as any cancer survivor will tell you, this moment of release is both frightening and exhilarating, as if your caregiver’s regular presence in your life can inoculate you from future betrayals by your body when you know no such guarantee exists. Still, I race toward optimism. Daily.

And if you wish to learn more about variations on the curiosity filter as well as other assertive communication techniques for women in meetings, you can find me in the pages of my book, Kind Dynamite: Six Ways Women Can Use Our Uniquely Explosive Power to Persuade in Meetings.